Spell Check, Please!

When someone applies for a library card, they fill out an online application. After finishing this, which is normally 3 or 4 minutes, they come to me to get their card. Asking for their ID, I look them up by their name.

Sometimes we cannot find them in the computer. We need to try alternate ways to find them. When we do, we confirm all of their information. About 50% of the time, we need to modify what they filled in. Some people forgot their birthday date, others put themselves in as the wrong gender. The most however, is the patron spelled their name wrong. Oh, you may think it is just a slip of a keystroke. I am here to tell you it is not. According to his license, we should be looking for John Weizenbaugh. However, an extended time later I hear “Oh I am sorry, I think I put in Jack". Looking for the new information and finding nothing, I have to ask "Sir, what name did you put in the computer over there about 5 minutes ago?" When you get a response of "Um, I am not sure", your poker face comes into play. I do my library magic, I find him in the computer. His name in the computer "Jackie Keilbaug". How, you may ask, do we know it's him? We do this by verifying everything on his ID and compare it to the computer. I then modify his application with what is true.

 

Many times the easiest of transactions, are the most difficult.

 

 

How do people survive?

On occasion certain things happen at the library and you just wonder “how do these people survive?”

On such an occasion, a co-worker of mine was getting a patron a library card. After the patron filled out the required information on the computer, he came to the desk. When asked what his name was, the librarian typed it in and double checked with the patron on the spelling.  She could not find this man in the computer. A few times she tried and nothing. She asked for his I.D. The patron spelled his name wrong. Oh yes dear reader, the patron not only miss spelled his name in the computer, but also when he told the librarian his name.  She then asked the man, “is the spelling on your I.D. correct?” He responded with a laugh and said “Yes, yes it is. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Librarian thought bubble – “I know what I was thinking. You are number one on the idiot list today. Congratulations. Please do not ask me where the books are on conceiving a child.”

Ode the joys of the Christmas holidays at the library

Every year we get people who insist on coming to the library on Christmas Day. In the days following we receive the full wrath of those patrons. A flood of anger and complaints challenge our obviously cruel and unusal tradition of closing the library. We also get comments such as:

"Why do you close early on Christmas Eve?"
"Why do you close on Christmas Day?"
"Why do you ever close at all? Walmart doesn't."

I understand the common belief that those who work in a library have no life what so ever except to be at the beck and call of every customer. If you are one of these people, allow me to express my deepest regret. I'm sorry that you forgot to put Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer on hold and need it today. Perhaps you could act out the movie for your family while I am at home enjoying time with my own. To be clear, Christmas is a PUBLIC or LEGAL holiday which the whole nation celebrates. All non-essential Federal and public offices are closed.

Please see U.S. Code Title 5, Part III, Subpart E, Chapter 61, Subchapter 1, § 6103 . If you are having trouble finding this code, please stop by the library on December 26th for assistance.

Patrons think that we should not only watch their children, but fiercely guard their property.

A gentleman came into the library to study. He found a cubicle in a far corner and set himself up for the long haul. After a few hours he decided to exit the library, and left all his belongings behind. Three and a half hours later, he arrived back at the library and was quite upset that his laptop had gone missing. Police Officers arrived at the library fairly quickly to question the man about his missing laptop. I couldn't help but smile (and hide a chuckle) when the officer asked him, "So let me get this straight. You placed your laptop in the cubicle and left it there for 3 hours. Is that correct?" The man says "Yes, I have done it before. I never thought anyone would steal from a library." At this point I had to walk away at that statement and the look on the officers face. It was as if he had been slapped with the palm of ignorance.

This isn't a restaurant

I walked up to a guy eating in the library: 

Me:  "You should eat that out on the deck"

 Him:"Why?"

Me: "Well there is no eating in the library"

Him: "Really? *looks all confused*

Me: "Yeah I guess you missed the 3 big signs that say "NO food in library"'

Him:"But you have tables."

Librarian thought bubble -"If I bring him a napkin, will he leave a tip?"

Show me the money !

A lady walks into the library and asks,

"Where's your ATM?"

Librarian thought bubble: "Mine is at the bank, I don't know where yours is"