Ode the joys of the Christmas holidays at the library

Every year we get people who insist on coming to the library on Christmas Day. In the days following we receive the full wrath of those patrons. A flood of anger and complaints challenge our obviously cruel and unusal tradition of closing the library. We also get comments such as:

"Why do you close early on Christmas Eve?"
"Why do you close on Christmas Day?"
"Why do you ever close at all? Walmart doesn't."

I understand the common belief that those who work in a library have no life what so ever except to be at the beck and call of every customer. If you are one of these people, allow me to express my deepest regret. I'm sorry that you forgot to put Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer on hold and need it today. Perhaps you could act out the movie for your family while I am at home enjoying time with my own. To be clear, Christmas is a PUBLIC or LEGAL holiday which the whole nation celebrates. All non-essential Federal and public offices are closed.

Please see U.S. Code Title 5, Part III, Subpart E, Chapter 61, Subchapter 1, § 6103 . If you are having trouble finding this code, please stop by the library on December 26th for assistance.

Can I get a Watch Battery?

 I arrived at work on a chilly Sunday and noticed the parking lot about 1/3 full. I am thinking "wow what’s going on?" People were lined up and even banging on the door. I looked at the clock, it was 11:04. 

Me: Can I help you all? 

Rude Patron:  Yes! You can open the door, it is well after noon

 and I need to get my hold.

Me: Sir, its just after 11, we do not open until Noon.

Patron: NO! It's past noon (points to his watch)

Me: The time changes last night...fall back. It's 11:07

Patron: "Well, you are here, can we come in, I just want to get my hold? "

Me: No, we open at Noon.

Patron: I am going to inform your manager.

Me: Ok. Would you like her name?

Patron: HUFFS and walks away

Librarian thought Bubble - Why do people still argue with me?

Patrons think that we should not only watch their children, but fiercely guard their property.

A gentleman came into the library to study. He found a cubicle in a far corner and set himself up for the long haul. After a few hours he decided to exit the library, and left all his belongings behind. Three and a half hours later, he arrived back at the library and was quite upset that his laptop had gone missing. Police Officers arrived at the library fairly quickly to question the man about his missing laptop. I couldn't help but smile (and hide a chuckle) when the officer asked him, "So let me get this straight. You placed your laptop in the cubicle and left it there for 3 hours. Is that correct?" The man says "Yes, I have done it before. I never thought anyone would steal from a library." At this point I had to walk away at that statement and the look on the officers face. It was as if he had been slapped with the palm of ignorance.

We are not a hotel

Books are not pillows, take your snoring self elsewhere.

Do The Right Thing

Patron: I came here and I couldn't get in yesterday.

 Me: Yes we were closed

 Patron: Well you need to tell people

 Me: Well its been on the website for a couple weeks, and there were massive signs all around

 Patron: *big sigh* well you need to call me !

 Me: So you want me to call every person who has a library card to let them know that we are going to be closed on a certain day?

Patron: Well yeah, its the right thing to do